I’m gonna tell you the secret, the one thing that pulled me out of this month-long-slump of not feeling sexy, not feeling competent, and not feeling motivated. A whole month's worth of negative, self-deprecating thoughts were shifted by this one trick...
I got a spray tan.
Yeah, you read that right, your girl got a spray tan. God, how badly I want to see the look on your face right now....
Trust me... I get it. Never did I EVER think that a pivotal moment in my life would evolve from hand-rubbing paint all over my body and air-drying in my apartment for 15 minutes.
But you know what, I speak the truth. On a rainy Sunday afternoon, I was feeling particularly blasé and thought that, if I just stare at myself in the mirror, maybe I'll have an epiphany.
Do you ever do that? Stare aimlessly at yourself to see if a realization hits?
No? Oh, me either, this was my first time.... *insert side-eye emoji*
Well, 10 minutes later and having successfully counted every pore on my face, I realized that I was pale AF. Giving up on the mirror soul-searching I found some self-tanner that I had (because yes, I keep that in stock, apparently) and went to town thinking "whatever, if I'm going to feel like a pathetic loser, at least I'll be tan."
Ya'll... I could not make up what I'm about to tell you, even if I tried.
This stuff takes a few hours to work, so when I woke up in the morning I looked in the mirror and did NOT recognize myself. Truth be told, I had actually forgotten about the spray tan until that very moment, so I was caught completely off guard. But... I liked it. I was FEELING myself, not because I think I have to be tan to be beautiful, but because I changed what I had been seeing in the mirror everyday and it instantly altered my attitude.
How does this affect one's life trajectory, you ask? Well, get this...
All week, I have actively been waking up at 6:00 AM, running through my affirmations, getting my cardio in (COVID-style) smashing through my entire to do list, and feeling like an island goddess while doing it.
See that’s the trick, I flipped a switch in my brain, and it came from something very basic (in every sense of the word) but very simple. At a low point, I did the first thing I could think of that would make me feel better.
Who cares that it was superficial, it made me smile and I felt beautiful.
Do you know what happens when you feel beautiful? You continue to do things that make you feel beautiful. All it takes is one thing.
What one thing can you do right now that will make you feel like a queen? While you are lying on the couch watching the 800th episode of Scrubs, feeling lethargic, bored, and half-reading this weird article about spray tans, look around your room. What can you do that will make you feel better?
Paint your nails, wash your hair, go for a walk, take a bubble bath, give yourself a facial, do 20 squats, pluck your eyebrows, start a 14-day challenge, look up makeup tutorials and do your face up for no reason and take 400 selfies. Do anything.
Since I was 10, I’ve always wanted to be able to do the splits. Strange? Yes, but it's something that I have always wanted to do and who am I to give up on 10 year-old Paige's dreams?
So, after a morning of cardio, I decided to start on a split-train regimen. I mean... I have to stretch anyway and the more I accomplish for myself, the better I keep feeling. So bring onnnnnn flexibility.
Am I there yet? Absolutely not, but I get closer and closer every day and even THAT is building my confidence, on top of the tan goddess confidence that I painted on myself earlier in the week.
Moral of the story: when you’re not loving what you see in the mirror, change something. From that point forward, that little change will give you a jolt of happiness, even if it's a small one, to keep you moving in this new direction.
Confidence builds with momentum and all it takes is one step in a different direction to change your trajectory.
With love, a glowing, factory-produced tan, and very sore hamstrings,
The Rose Gold Queen