Humble... with a hint of Kanye
Hello Beautiful World!
It’s been a minute…. To be honest, I was in serious inspired-action mode for a while there. I was waking up each day with a strong sense of purpose and direction that seemed to pull the creativity out of me like nobody’s business. I realized what was going on; I had a goal that I was diligently working toward, and that goal came in the form of pageantry. I was devoting my heart to the cause of presenting my best self at Miss Idaho USA on October 29th, 2019….. and I’m grateful to say that I did just that.
The next immediate question is, of course, did I come away with the crown? Am I writing to you now as the new Miss Idaho USA and it’s taken me this long to get back to my coveted, Rose Gold-covered blog because I’ve been consumed by the immediate responsibilities of queendom?
I wish… but sadly, the answer is C - No to All of the Above. I didn’t take a hiatus from this passion of mine because I was busy, I took one because my inspiration was missing and I didn’t want to put emotion-less nothing on to a page for the sake of consistency. So, I took a break.
I took some time to love on myself, to splurge a little, to focus on the small, materialistic things that brought me instant gratification, like cake and online shopping.
Did it work? - yes.
Do I now have a slight cake booty to work off? - also yes.
I guess I didn’t really have a plan for what I would do after the pageant was over, if I walked away empty handed. I was focusing all of my energy on that one day, that one moment; my blinders were up to what would come afterwards. When that moment came and the outcome was not as I had hoped, I felt a serious range of emotions that have taken me almost two months to sort through.
On one hand, I DID bring my best self to that stage. I was stronger, healthier, happier, more accomplished and the most inspired than I have ever been before. I had the best support system in the audience and in my heart that showered me with an overwhelming amount of love before, during and especially after the competition. I had set a goal for myself and I accomplished it, and for those reasons, I was content.
This wasn’t my first time losing. In fact, like most people, I’m a very experienced loser. Winning wouldn’t bring us the same level of satisfaction if it happened as often as losing did. That’s what makes it special, that’s what makes it motivating, that’s why we strive for it. With that being said, a common statement I’ve heard (not-so-shockingly enough after every time I’ve lost at something) is: You learn more from losing than you do from winning.
I believe you learn different lessons from winning than you do from losing, and both lessons are powerful and equally important. Winning has taught me the power of accomplishment. It has taught me how to motivate myself because I strive to feel that euphoric feeling once again. Winning has taught me responsibility and leadership, to take my pride and channel it in a productive direction that is helpful and inspiring to others.
Losing has taught me the power of grace and humility. It’s a grounding experience from which some of my greatest self-realizations have flourished. Losing has taught me reliability and it has taught me how to refocus, re-motivate and bounce back.
Both are valuable.
We ALL lose. We ALL fail. We all lose our ways and we all have moments of weakness that lead us to self-medicate with cake, Instagram shopping, and Gossip Girl re-runs (preferably we let those moments last less than two months, but hey, I’m learning lessons here).
One thing they say that I DO agree with is: It doesn't matter if you fall, what matters is that you get back up. The fact that you lost isn’t important, what’s important is what you do next.
While I know pageantry isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, I know that my story isn’t unique. It’s a story about figuring out what to do when you didn’t accomplish a dream. It’s a story about discovering a new path, a new passion to throw yourself into with every fiber of your being.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, or have found yourself there at one point (don’t be silly, I know you have ;) ), I have some words of advice, from one humble heart to another:
It’s okay to feel EVERYTHING that you’re feelingIt’s okay to get a little lostTake the time necessary to figure out your next moveWhen you find out what that next move is, run towards it, as fast as those sexy legs will take you.
If you find that your next goal isn’t showing it’s face in an ideal time frame and you start to get antsy, go back to the basics: take care of your body (maybe cut back on the cake a little), get active in any way that you can, read something, listen to an inspiring podcast, force yourself to take action. Your path will show itself and you will find yourself again. Sometimes it just takes a little nudge.
Growth isn’t always comfortable, but it never fails to be rewarding.
With Love, Humility, and a huge goal on the horizon,
-Paige, The Rose Gold Queen <3